Perhaps it's the full moon. Maybe it's that it was a blue moon. And of course we can't forget ringing in the New Year 2010. This year will be the end of a decade. This New Year also marks a monumental 10 yr anniversary of entering the year 2000. Some called it the new millennium ( though really that was 2001 ) - anyways hehe .. I came upon this thought this evening as I spent my New Years Day on twitter. My 2009 new found addiction since my chat rooms closed a couple years ago.
I follow several hundred people and as the day grew later, more and more post were coming up about being lonely. Wishing they had some company, a partner. Wishing they would get more time and attention from friends, family, loved ones. Many posted about having a bad 1st day of the New Year. Some even posted they felt selfish about it.
What is it about today that would make so many feel that way. It made me think. I guess it comes about with all this New Years Resolution stuff. We are focusing out thoughts, at the persistence of those around us, to think about resolutions. What do we want to change and do in the next year to better ourselves. This of course makes us think about all the things we said we were going to do last year ...
and that lead me to the post I wrote in the first place today about making New Years Resolutions, and why we shouldnt do it, as it just sets us up for failure. You can read it HERE
hugs wishes and happiness for you all this coming new year ~
Friday, January 1, 2010
Resolutions .. or set up for failure? Happy New Year!
I tend to view things in a way to logical way. I tend to try and be a perfectionist. I tend to believe that I should just know everything and how to do it. I tend not to like to ask for help. laughs .. and that leads me to the topic of this post. New Years resolutions, follow throughs and failures... and asking for help.
One of the biggest resolutions of the New Year for people is to diet/lose weight. It's also the number 1 failed resolution. We set ourselves up with this big hopes, dreams and goals. We give ourselves unrealistic final results, and we expect that we are just going to wake up January 1 and do it. Generally there is really no preparation, we "think" we know how and what to do. Days, weeks, months into it we are becoming aware that we either have not been keeping to it, or have started out strong but as always, life just gets in the way and the goal gets forgotten or 'set aside until tomorrow" and 365 tomorrows later here we are again.
When we reach that realization, when we become aware of the failure, we punish ourselves. Sometimes out loud, sometimes physically, but most of the time I think its a mental punishment. I constant berate myself for not doing this, not finishing that .. and then I berate myself for berating myself.
For me, one of my big "failure" resolutions is apartment cleaning. On one hand I am a germ freak - one the other, I just cant seem to put things away, and I always have clutter. Clothes, shoes, coats, paper, boxes, pillows, blankets, laundry(clean!) .. its never ending. It gets to a point I just cant stand it sometimes, yet it stays that way. To get past it, I started telling myself - It's my apartment and I can keep it as i wish. I would never however invite anyone in. Sometimes our goals are not physical like dieting or cleaning our houses, but personal, emotional goals. Those are a trap all by themselves that can lead to years of emotional failure stress.
My personal emotional "resolution" has been to be happy. smile and believe - everyday. While its a valiant goal I think we should all strive for, its one of those unrealistic goals. I believe we do have a choice every single day to be happy or let it control us, but its unrealistic to think we have the will power 100% of the time to do it.
So I decided that I was just not going to set myself up for that anymore. No more resolutions. No more "Im am going to do this or else". No more cursing myself for not having done it.
Certainly there are always things that need improvement, and I think that the New Year is a good time to reset my focus on those accomplishments. I believe though that instead of making resolutions to change, we need to move the focus on how to make the change. There are tools out there. We are all capable of making the choice to get them.
For many of the dieters and house cleaning slackers, there is a deeper issue as to why we are eating or living in our cluttery mess. And that of course holds no truer than to the emotional changes. We are not going to wake up and just be a better person. We are not going to wake up and just suddenly be responsible and pay all our bills on time and clean up our messes. We are not going to wake up 365 mornings and never eat another piece of chocolate. But we can wake up and start looking for the tools that will help us ultimately succeed in being the person we want to be, to help us accomplishing our goals and tasks more days than not.
Remember that we dont have to do it alone,there is a world of information out here. Some things are not going to happen in a day a week or even a month, maybe even the one year. Its not always going to be easy. And importantly too, remembering to take things 1 step or task at a time. Dont overwhelm and put too many things on the plate - alternate the things you are working on. On average it takes 90 days to change a habit/behavior and you never remove it, you replace it with a different one. Choose ahead of time the healthy one you want to replace it with.
Ook so thats my thoughts on today lol Many Magical wishes for success and happiness in 2010!!
One of the biggest resolutions of the New Year for people is to diet/lose weight. It's also the number 1 failed resolution. We set ourselves up with this big hopes, dreams and goals. We give ourselves unrealistic final results, and we expect that we are just going to wake up January 1 and do it. Generally there is really no preparation, we "think" we know how and what to do. Days, weeks, months into it we are becoming aware that we either have not been keeping to it, or have started out strong but as always, life just gets in the way and the goal gets forgotten or 'set aside until tomorrow" and 365 tomorrows later here we are again.
When we reach that realization, when we become aware of the failure, we punish ourselves. Sometimes out loud, sometimes physically, but most of the time I think its a mental punishment. I constant berate myself for not doing this, not finishing that .. and then I berate myself for berating myself.
For me, one of my big "failure" resolutions is apartment cleaning. On one hand I am a germ freak - one the other, I just cant seem to put things away, and I always have clutter. Clothes, shoes, coats, paper, boxes, pillows, blankets, laundry(clean!) .. its never ending. It gets to a point I just cant stand it sometimes, yet it stays that way. To get past it, I started telling myself - It's my apartment and I can keep it as i wish. I would never however invite anyone in. Sometimes our goals are not physical like dieting or cleaning our houses, but personal, emotional goals. Those are a trap all by themselves that can lead to years of emotional failure stress.
My personal emotional "resolution" has been to be happy. smile and believe - everyday. While its a valiant goal I think we should all strive for, its one of those unrealistic goals. I believe we do have a choice every single day to be happy or let it control us, but its unrealistic to think we have the will power 100% of the time to do it.
So I decided that I was just not going to set myself up for that anymore. No more resolutions. No more "Im am going to do this or else". No more cursing myself for not having done it.
Certainly there are always things that need improvement, and I think that the New Year is a good time to reset my focus on those accomplishments. I believe though that instead of making resolutions to change, we need to move the focus on how to make the change. There are tools out there. We are all capable of making the choice to get them.
For many of the dieters and house cleaning slackers, there is a deeper issue as to why we are eating or living in our cluttery mess. And that of course holds no truer than to the emotional changes. We are not going to wake up and just be a better person. We are not going to wake up and just suddenly be responsible and pay all our bills on time and clean up our messes. We are not going to wake up 365 mornings and never eat another piece of chocolate. But we can wake up and start looking for the tools that will help us ultimately succeed in being the person we want to be, to help us accomplishing our goals and tasks more days than not.
Remember that we dont have to do it alone,there is a world of information out here. Some things are not going to happen in a day a week or even a month, maybe even the one year. Its not always going to be easy. And importantly too, remembering to take things 1 step or task at a time. Dont overwhelm and put too many things on the plate - alternate the things you are working on. On average it takes 90 days to change a habit/behavior and you never remove it, you replace it with a different one. Choose ahead of time the healthy one you want to replace it with.
Ook so thats my thoughts on today lol Many Magical wishes for success and happiness in 2010!!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Gone .. Strayed .. lost she is feared ...
That's how I feel a lot of days lately. That line is from a book, about a lost puppy, that I would read to a little girl I babysat many years ago. The line has stuck in my head for years.
I don't know quite how to explain it. I've put myself between a rock and a hard place. I am where I need to be, yet, I want things that I know I don't really want. I am not sure there is a 'safe' in between or middle ground.
I choose to be single because I simply KNOW I can't live with anyone. I am an perfectionistic OCD emotional princess who wants it HER way ... and most of all, submissive to a fault in so many ways.
I am ok with that. I've been the quintessential anti-social hermit for years. The internet is my social connection and outlet to the world.
On the other hand. Lately I've been seeing, hearing, reading, experiencing others relationships and a yearning I've not had in some time has been awakened. I want to be touched. I want to be kissed. I want to be held. And I want her to go home in the morning without a lot of drama.
I've been pondering if they are really just simple wants? Are these things we need to survive?
I stopped wanting them, I stopped believing I needed it, because one more hurt will break me.. emotionally and physically. I'd rather be happy with me long term, than add another heartbreak.
But ... life is full of buts and unfair terms right? Seeing it dangled and teased before me, the ache lately is just so .. intense. It's not about wanting sex. It's about an emotional and physical far above that, getting met.
Being the poly girl I am, I'm certainly not looking for a monogamous relationship - which makes finding someone to share this with me, harder. And I need a Dominant. A Female Dominant .. and and and .. yes, I am picky .. I think we all should be.
It puts me in such a delima .. even in a poly relationship, or just a string of "one night stands" I will get attached and that generally leads right to where I am trying to avoiding going on the first place ...
*sighs* thank goodness for my Hitachi Magic Wand ... right???
I don't know quite how to explain it. I've put myself between a rock and a hard place. I am where I need to be, yet, I want things that I know I don't really want. I am not sure there is a 'safe' in between or middle ground.
I choose to be single because I simply KNOW I can't live with anyone. I am an perfectionistic OCD emotional princess who wants it HER way ... and most of all, submissive to a fault in so many ways.
I am ok with that. I've been the quintessential anti-social hermit for years. The internet is my social connection and outlet to the world.
On the other hand. Lately I've been seeing, hearing, reading, experiencing others relationships and a yearning I've not had in some time has been awakened. I want to be touched. I want to be kissed. I want to be held. And I want her to go home in the morning without a lot of drama.
I've been pondering if they are really just simple wants? Are these things we need to survive?
I stopped wanting them, I stopped believing I needed it, because one more hurt will break me.. emotionally and physically. I'd rather be happy with me long term, than add another heartbreak.
But ... life is full of buts and unfair terms right? Seeing it dangled and teased before me, the ache lately is just so .. intense. It's not about wanting sex. It's about an emotional and physical far above that, getting met.
Being the poly girl I am, I'm certainly not looking for a monogamous relationship - which makes finding someone to share this with me, harder. And I need a Dominant. A Female Dominant .. and and and .. yes, I am picky .. I think we all should be.
It puts me in such a delima .. even in a poly relationship, or just a string of "one night stands" I will get attached and that generally leads right to where I am trying to avoiding going on the first place ...
*sighs* thank goodness for my Hitachi Magic Wand ... right???
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