HNT ~ Happy Anniversary!

SOOOO this week is the 5 yr Anniversary of HNT!!!
WOOHOOO CONGRATS!!!

Happens to be my 1 yr Anniversary in HNT as well!!!

To keep with the Anniversary Theme this week,
we were asked to post our very 1st HNT

This was mine, May 14, 2009



I couldnt re-create it for a today shot,
as 1, I am not at the Fair, and 2, the clothes
are packed from the move still lol

Happy 13th Anniversary ,,,

Yes .. can you believe it, 13 yrs ago, in Las Vegas, my boyfriend of 5 yrs and I were married.

Just before christmas in 1995 we had went ring shopping. I picked a pretty ring :) I found a band I wanted, but picked the diamond separate. Im not really a diamond kinda girl lol so I picked a 1/2 carat quality over a bigger stone less quality. They had to send the 2 rings out to have the stone removed from one band and put into the one I wanted.



Now every year we have been doing a christmas eve party at his parents house, which was a Friday night this year. I thought for certain he was going to do a romantic proposal as part of christmas ..right?! No .. as we were getting ready for the party he said, do you want to wear your ring .. I said, huh? He said .. I picked up your ring today, do you want to wear it to the party? I said yes thinking he was only kidding .. that he would say I had to wait, but no, he was tossing the box at me :| .. Yeah that was my big romantic marriage proposal (NOT!)

it turned out the store made a mistake and gave us both ring bands, even though I only paid for the one I wanted .. that was a bonus lol

2 yrs later, in 1997, April, my future mother in law called me at work ( I was a travel agent!) and said hey will you price out this trip for me and hubby and blah blah blah for May. Now my BFs mom has like 16, 17 some brothers and sisters .. big irish catholic family ... several family members were going.

That night I got home from work and informed my BF that his mom and dad and so and so were going to Vegas in May and he says, well hey, we should go with them and get married .. and I said, OK! and thats what we did :)

When we were outside for the 1st time in Vegas, not long after getting off the plane and getting our bags, I stood there holding my arms out to the sun and I said to everyone .. omg, its the sun, someday I am going to live here! (and that was my goal for almost 11 yrs, then it became Arizona, where I finally made it march 1, 2010!)

We had suites reversed at Palace Station ... the room had floor to ceiling bay windows, its was a stunning view. Our very 1st stop besides checking in, was MGM Grand ( where we subsequently stayed on all future trips ) ... Future hubby put 3.00 into a slot machine and we hit a $1000.00 Jackpot - it made for a most fabulous wedding and trip to Vegas!! We also in all our excitment of 1st trips to Vegas, lost our car in the parking lot. Late, tired, exhausted to a point of tears, we walked a parking garage for over an hour ... we NEVER forgot where the car was parked again LOL

The sad ending to the story is ( or the best part depending on how you look at it!) is that in Feb 2008, less than 1 yr after we were married, i left him ... on my birthday none the less. It's a much longer story but it had to be done. The "good part" is about a yr later, pixie was brought to life :)

SO HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME! :)

(all my pictures are packed and in storage but someday when I come across them again I will upload them!)

oh yeah PS .. we are still married even though I left, because I do not want to pay for the divorce, if anyone wants to donate or volunteer their efforts to getting me a divorce .. please do! lol

I really sometimes hope my mother doesnt read this ..

HAHA cuz I am about to talk about something ... personal lol See .. for the 1st time in a long time, I am, well, how shall we say it .. bluntly I guess, horny. Ms Makes me Giddy has now done more than make me giddy .. She has aroused me, oh my! Ive never been one to shy away from daily masturbation, but lately, its several times .. and what I thinking about?? Her! YUP and the play time/scenes we've had together .. its just been so fucking HOT for me *grins* and I think She is enjoying it too!

I've kinda told her that I am excited about this aroused state she has put me in .. I've explained I have no expectations from anything we do together, or might do together *grins* but that I am thoroughly enjoying Her touching and teasing and little kisses *smiles and blushes*

One of my issues is .. initiating .. for some reason I seemed to lose the ability to initiate, anything, especially anything that might be in sexual context. I did go waaaay out on a limb and sent Her a naughty text last week ... I had been accused of being a flirt several weeks before and denied that, and so when She came home and commented on the text, I said "that is me flirting" .. but beyond that, I am kinda stuck .. submissive to a fault I am.

but .. smiles ... I think somewhere along the line, as the arousal overtakes my every thought process, I will put myself out there and at least flirt better, if I can get any initiating done lol, or maybe She will reach that passion and just be the initiater ...but I think being the Dominant, there is lesson here for Her to teach me in making me be the one to do it lol EVERYTHING is always a learning and growing process .. geesh lol

anyways ... off to visit Mr Hitachi and hoping he doesnt buzz loud enough to be heard 2 rooms over!! *hehe*

HNT ~ knife play

This was one of my very first knife play scenes

I got to wear pink princess panties
to be cut off me .. it was SO hot!

clicky click click *smiles*

She used pretty pink stuff
and rope to bind me ...
and fur to tease me with!
along with other toys that made it into the shot :)

HAPPY HNT!

OK .. its that time ..

I need to start looking for a job. That means I need to decide what I want to do with my life. With my lack of experience at anything other than inbound customer service jobs, and my chronic fatigue which limits how much standing/lifting/physical activity I can do, it makes that decision so much more difficult.

I am not office secretary/receptionist material .. I simply can not do the 8-5 Mon-Fri dress up kinda thing. Im not organized and whilst I am familiar with, I dont really know many Office Programs.

Ive tried data entry before .. but it's ona those things I am just not good at .. the chronic fatigues short term memory lapses, really have me struggling to look at something and remember it long enough to look at where I am entering it to, and then enter it .. sounds silly I know but its the best explanation I can give until you experience it

No restaurant or food service .. just not physically able

I still more than anything would love to open my own store .. but the funds needed, and this economy, I just do not think it would be feasible at this time. I would love to work in a fun little shop of some sort but, most wont pay enough ... right now I am living off 300 a week, and that is doable, but its still more than min wage will make me.

I thought abut maybe be an airport shuttle driver, but quirky me is convinced some serial killer/rapist is going to end up on a long drive alone with me and *POOF* no more pixie .. (it COULD HAPPEN!! lol)

Im also scared of what will happen to me emotionally ... blah ... I know I am going to end up back on the phones, that's just what it is I know how to do ..


Yeah I know, I am a total dork .... just to top off all of my other quirks lol

so anyways .. the job hunt begins Monday .. will keep ya posted!

Tragic's Wake ...

Soooo what seems forever ago now I found me an internet "twin", GrrlTragic, twitter... funny enough though, this is my 2nd internet "twin" .. the 1st one shares my real name with me!

My girl Tragic however ... wow ... the life coincidences we share are eerie sometimes! (like she shares the same 1st and middle name of my adopted mom, for one!)

She has been on an evolving path of her life lately (another thing we are sharing!), a rather profound one .. and had a calling for a change, for a rebirth of her existence ... and in that, Tragic's Wake has been born, and is being brought to life.

She will captivate and entrap you *winks* well worth your internet time to go check her out!!

Back on track ...

OK well I hope anyways. Someone made a post the other day on FetLife and I gave my "typical pixie advice". It has really been making me think though, ever since I posted it, how I don't really practice what I preach (because its much easier that way lol)

The topic was about how the person felt they were "angry" or had a "temper" all the time lately and how they, nor people around them, were liking it. My advice was, its a choice .. all our reactions and responses to life around us is a choice. I suggested not to react/respond to anything without a 30 minute breather. Stop and think about what was about to be said or done, and see if that is how you really want to be.

For me, the response / reaction I don't like is, well almost that I am being "a drama queen" - I've had some crazy ass shit dealt to me in 2010 ... and I keep whining about it. I tell everyone about it. I stay wrapped up in it, because its safe. I've spent the last 8 weeks, plus a few more on and off before that, living completely out of my comfort zone. That has put me into some what of a panicked, I'm scared mode.

On top of that I am trying my darndest to learn to be sociable. Problem with that is, and why Ive never been sociable, is, I just dont know how lol .. I dont have anything to talk about .. except this crazy drama shit thats been going on, and so thats what comes out of my mouth. Otherwise I just sit there feeling like an idiot because I have nothing to talk about it.

Thursday night coffee is a good example. I keep going, but, I just sit there .. looking at everyone chit chatting and what not and I feel like the outsider. Im not, I mean they all know me, I know most of them, they are just visiting and conversing, but I just feel out of place and uncomfortable and sit there feeling like I am an idiot .. desperately trying to think of something to say .. to fit in.
Usually its not so bad around lifestyle people, because lifestyle stuff generally comes up .. and that is what like the only thing "I know" that "I'm comfortable" with .. but thats only minutes of the evening .. I have hours to fill.

Anyways .. I realized that I myself need to step back and think about my reaction and responses. Im known to all for being the happy go lucky smiling pixie, but Ive not let her out for months now .. hell, I dont want to be around me, I cant imagine anyone else wanting to be either lol ...

I do think some of this has to do with coming out of winter .. I did still spend most of winter in the cold and dark of the midwest so Im thinking winter blahs still got a lil piece of me, and then turning my whole life upside down to move to Arizona didnt help ( well ok it DID help, just in different ways lol)

SO .. im back now .. on track I hope to being the happy go lucky submissive girly girl I am :)