ovaries, cervixes, UTERUSES OH MY!

I originally told myself I would start blogging about this big event as soon as I got home, on the day I found out. Yet typical of me, that was 2 weeks ago lol.

So for longer than I even initially told my physician, Ive been having more troublesome periods. I say "more troublesome" because mine have always caused major issues for me. Being 39 I started to think I was peri-menapausal and decided to talk to my Dr. to see what options might be available. She does the normal blood draw and then sends me for a vaginal ultrasound.

First, let me say its very hard, when you like pretty girls, to keep a straight face when you have one inserting and twisting around a probe in your vagina! *giggles* While normally these do not hurt, mine was uncomfortable and when I heard mentions of "measure there to here" I KNEW there was something more going on than menopause.

The following week I get a call from the nurse who says my bloodwork was normal and no menopause. She asked if I had the ultrasound, I said yes, she said Dr's back in office the next week and she would review, then they will call and go from there.OK

I do get a call the next week, I was half awake and several moments into the conversation when I realized I was talking to my Dr, not the nurse. If the DR was calling it could not be good and I really snapped to attention.

Sure enough, there is a large mass in my uterus. I got the standard "at your age its probably nothing and not cancer, but of course we cant promise that without testing". She referred me to a specialist to have a peek.

They were able to see my pretty quickly and the Dr I met with is the absolute best. The office has a couch and we sat side by side and discussed my issues. She really listened, talked to me and made me very comfortable. We discussed different options, and then while waiting for my ultrasound results to come to her, she did a quick exam. She barely stuck 2 fingers in me and went "oh yeah I can feel that right there" - it was like a 30 second exam and done.

She said, "I would recommend a hysterectomy. To test for cancer is very painful, and since youve already had a tubal, the 'simplest' route would be to do the hysterectomy". Now I am all for less pain, and NO MORE PERIODS! Then she mentioned the 4-6 week recovery, YAY missing work too...WAIT...4-6 weeks of .. PAIN????? well, OK.

The most traumatic part of all this so far for me has been that I was planning on relocating this Sept/Oct. With a Sept 1 surgery date, there will be no packing, flying for job and house hunting...sighs ... no moving. Emotionally this move is very critical for me and I am very torn on whether I can even survive another winter of cold and snow. I am really that done.

The next "traumatic"part is missing Folsom Street Fair - I know most have said to me, "its not that big a deal" but I guess no one really understands the emotional energy and lift I get from Fair weekend. It makes a pixie thrive!! If I can find me a lovely to do everything for me, literally, i wont be able to drive, carry anything and minimal walking - then I maybe able to fly and come get my energy fix ( hint hint subbies! )

I have decided "there is reason" for the timing, I have the insurance and ability to deal with this, I am going to do so. Not moving however makes me feel like yet another failure. There is a part of me that for now says, if there is cancer, I will not treat it. I am really just that done with this "life", but will see.