Thursday, August 27, 2009

HNT - Knife play

"compliments of Mz Middy in Az"
This was from one of my favorite scenes.
It took place in June 2005

I didnt have a knife scene story to include,
but thought you all might like this anyways :)

I peeked around the corner hesitantly, I knew from the tone of Masters voice he was none too happy with me. My eyes met his and I held a deep breath, slowly releasing it with each step into the room. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, beside him lay the paddle…I shuddered as I let my body fall to kneel before him, keeping my gaze to the floor.

Pixie, he said in a very strong tone, you do know why I called you in here, yes? I nodded with the slightest of hesitation, why oh why had I disobeyed, I thought to myself. His finger came to my chin, lifting my
gaze to his, I could sense his disappointment. Again, his voice strong his words sharp … assume the position, pixie…suddenly wishing I had not worn the skirt, how silly for me to think I could misdirect his attention from my punishment with it... i crawled up and over his lap.

Now … his voice making me tremble … you do know why you are being punished, don’t you? pixie ? I whispered softly, yes, wanting to nod but knowing he was listening for words. Speak up pixie, I can’t hear you.

Louder I spoke, yes Sir, I know why. That’s my good girl, and with that I felt the slap of his hand across my ass. He had not lifted my skirt, yet I flinched…. more from startlement than pain. Then as expected I
felt his hands pulling at the mere piece of fabric that covered my flesh, exposing my bareness to him. He has seen my ass a hundred times before, but my body is flushed in warmth has turned a soft pink. He
caressed his hand across my ass, a soft tender touch and I make the mistake of letting out a content sigh…

With a quickness I had 5 smacks from the paddle across each cheek. The leather sticking to my flesh so briefly each time … my fingers dig into my palms, I knew the punishment would be worse for trying to reach my hands back to stop him. I bit my lower lip, wanting to cry out…knowing that was not all I'd be receiving as I felt his hand caressing my fiery red cheeks. flinching with each touch…the stinging pain already stirring a sense of pleasure, creating my sweet juices dampening my thighs. My body writhed so slightly, clenching and riding the warm burning glowI knew was appearing. Sir suddenly slid his hand down between my thighs, he slid a finger through my moist slit, resting its tip on my clit…He
didn’t say a word about my wetness, but again quickly laid 5 smacks across each cheek with his bare hand. This time I cried out.

My body was squirming, my pussy was aching and pulsating for his touch...without even a thought I whispered out “Sir.....please” He smirked under his breath, and only gave a few more smacks with his bare
hand to each cheek. My ass was burning, I was sure it had to be cherry red, my excitement and desire for him grew stronger. Now, pixie, he said, have you learned you are not to disobey your Master. I nodded and forced out the words “yes Sir, I will not disobey”( thinking, today anyways!).

Thinking he was threw I let myself relax slightly, a soft sigh of
relief, believing now Master would let me please him. All I got was several more smacks with the paddle he had retrieved into his hand.

My mind mind was racing between the pain and the pleasure, unsure at moments which to concede to, until I felt Masters hand again slip down between my thighs, fingers swirling in my dripping juices, I felt my
body begin to tremble. “Uh uh uhhh“, I heard him say. I knew I had better not cum or he may just start the paddling all over again. In begging whispers I pleaded to him, Sir …please ...over and over, louder
and louder, but all Master did was press harder against my clit, rubbing circles, sliding his fingers into my clenching walls. I couldn’t stand it anymore, I practically screamed “pleeaase let me cum for you”

NO pixie was all I heard though.

He stopped moving his fingers, my own body tried to stop that and writhed to find the lost touch. I am not certain you have learned your lesson and maybe this will remind you next time you choose to disobey to
rethink it. With that he slid me off his lap, I did my best to kneel, my body trembling, my insides begging at me for release. Master offered me his hand and pulled me up to the bed, motioning for me to lay back. I was panting in breath, my chest heaving, my nipples standing firm and erect as Master reached to played with them. I met his gaze, he knew how desperate I was to cum and leaned to suck a nipple, flicking it with his sighs turned to whimpers. He started to kiss his way down my body. I knew I would never be able to resist if he placed his hot tongue against my aching pussy, to feel his lips suck around my clit would just be to much to bare. As he moved lower and lower, my trembling became spasms, every muscle tight, my thoughts being forced to concentrate on pleasing Master and not cumming. I could feel his kisses and licks teasing around my clit, never touching, just teasing.

Then he stopped....overwhelmed, I moaned out nooooooo through a gasping breath ….but I soon got what I really wanted, Master slid his throbbing cock into my pussy. I squirmed and arched my ass up to meet each thrust, wanting every inch deep inside me. With that wonderful strong voice he finally said to me, NOW PIXIE, and I knew I could cum. My entire body shuttered and heaved, wave after wave of pleasure ripped through me, every breath escaping my lips whispered oh yes Sir, yes yes yes, nothing felt better than to have his cock pounding into my pussy, over and over as he made my little body scream with orgasm, till finally he came with me, our bodies melding together, our breaths one in the same
heaving gasp of satisfaction.

I glanced over, unaware to me Mistress was watching ..a smile played across her lips, You please your Master well little pixie.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

the Hysterectomy ... a big deal?

So we all know i am one for getting attention .. i love being doted on and spoiled and some of the attention for having surgery is nice. Some of it though seems to be, I dunno ..odd to me. People act like its this tragic thing to have ones uterus removed, and I understand for some woman why it is, I do .. but for me, this is not the case.

A few years ago I seen on a TV show that a woman could have the hysterectomy and leave the ovaries and not go into instant menopause and not have periods immediate reaction was DAMN how do I get that done!?

I found out last night I have a grandmother who passed of Uterine cancer ( I knew it was cancer I vcouldnt remember if it had been ovarian or uterine). In the finding out my Aunt found out I was having surgery and immediately had me on the phone. Can she come, can she tell my dad - I wanted to say no no no but, ugh sometimes you just cant do that. I said she could come and I didnt care if she told my dad. I said I dont think its that big of a deal .. but she insisted it is. So whatever ok tell whomever you want, I said.

Then my ex-BFF came to my instant messenger. It's been almost 2 yrs since weve talked but more than anyone she is who ive wanted to talk to and take to the hospital with me and come home to help me after. I love my mom but we have lots of differences lol - She is wonderful and will be here for me too but it will be nice to have the BFF as well.

I admit Ive even had moments (during my PMS) that I almost hope it is cancer .. all that praying I've done in my lifetime, begging through tears to a what ever spirit is out there to just let me stop living .. i am so done. It wont ever change... I dont get wanting to keep playing the game if we always lose .. but its just moments.

So anyways thats where I am with that ... I still do not think this is all that big of a deal. I dont think I really have cancer .. I think I am going to have surgery, I am going to come out of it just fine and feel better than ever and figuring out how on Earth I can move to Arizona before the upcoming 40th Bday in FEB!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

the Hysterectomy ... 1 week countdown begins

I am still really ok with the surgery, almost excited as i have read so many stories on how people feel SO much better afterwards!

What i am afraid of, well, not just afraid, i am physically ill over it .. is my fear after the surgery of being in pain. Ive tried to research, ive tried to hear stories and the Dr gave me preop and postop videos to watch and i get woozy ( even fainted!! )

Ive had this phobia to pain for years .. blood and guts are ok, but if i just THINK something will hurt i get woozy and pass right out. Tried to watch that old show Rescue 911 once, i keeled right over outta my chair onto the floor. Years before that in High School, i did it in ROTC class watching first aid videos.

I've wondered since the fibro diagnosis, if the pain phobia is like a defense mechanism since we experience pain differently, more intensly...

After my tubal in 2000 they told me I could probably go back to work within 72 hours - HA - a week later it was still a struggle. They say 4-6 weeks, and since I am having a vaginal hysterectomy its supposed to be less recovery time. I am preparing for 8 weeks for me! lol

I am still really freaking out about not moving. I am trying to tell myself it will be ok - just 1 more winter, but we will see how it goes.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

ovaries, cervixes, UTERUSES OH MY!

I originally told myself I would start blogging about this big event as soon as I got home, on the day I found out. Yet typical of me, that was 2 weeks ago lol.

So for longer than I even initially told my physician, Ive been having more troublesome periods. I say "more troublesome" because mine have always caused major issues for me. Being 39 I started to think I was peri-menapausal and decided to talk to my Dr. to see what options might be available. She does the normal blood draw and then sends me for a vaginal ultrasound.

First, let me say its very hard, when you like pretty girls, to keep a straight face when you have one inserting and twisting around a probe in your vagina! *giggles* While normally these do not hurt, mine was uncomfortable and when I heard mentions of "measure there to here" I KNEW there was something more going on than menopause.

The following week I get a call from the nurse who says my bloodwork was normal and no menopause. She asked if I had the ultrasound, I said yes, she said Dr's back in office the next week and she would review, then they will call and go from there.OK

I do get a call the next week, I was half awake and several moments into the conversation when I realized I was talking to my Dr, not the nurse. If the DR was calling it could not be good and I really snapped to attention.

Sure enough, there is a large mass in my uterus. I got the standard "at your age its probably nothing and not cancer, but of course we cant promise that without testing". She referred me to a specialist to have a peek.

They were able to see my pretty quickly and the Dr I met with is the absolute best. The office has a couch and we sat side by side and discussed my issues. She really listened, talked to me and made me very comfortable. We discussed different options, and then while waiting for my ultrasound results to come to her, she did a quick exam. She barely stuck 2 fingers in me and went "oh yeah I can feel that right there" - it was like a 30 second exam and done.

She said, "I would recommend a hysterectomy. To test for cancer is very painful, and since youve already had a tubal, the 'simplest' route would be to do the hysterectomy". Now I am all for less pain, and NO MORE PERIODS! Then she mentioned the 4-6 week recovery, YAY missing work too...WAIT...4-6 weeks of .. PAIN????? well, OK.

The most traumatic part of all this so far for me has been that I was planning on relocating this Sept/Oct. With a Sept 1 surgery date, there will be no packing, flying for job and house hunting...sighs ... no moving. Emotionally this move is very critical for me and I am very torn on whether I can even survive another winter of cold and snow. I am really that done.

The next "traumatic"part is missing Folsom Street Fair - I know most have said to me, "its not that big a deal" but I guess no one really understands the emotional energy and lift I get from Fair weekend. It makes a pixie thrive!! If I can find me a lovely to do everything for me, literally, i wont be able to drive, carry anything and minimal walking - then I maybe able to fly and come get my energy fix ( hint hint subbies! )

I have decided "there is reason" for the timing, I have the insurance and ability to deal with this, I am going to do so. Not moving however makes me feel like yet another failure. There is a part of me that for now says, if there is cancer, I will not treat it. I am really just that done with this "life", but will see.