I started the exploration of my submission online, many years ago. I had many friends, Dominant and submissive, who I chatted with for years. One conversation had been one of those "profound talks" that I have thought about often. A Female Dominant said to me one day "If you were to ever become my submissive, I would place you over my knee and spank you until you cried" She asked me if I understood why she would do that, and I said "not to inflict pain, but to show your ownership, your Dominance over me .... it would show I was "willing to submit to her" ..
While I "knew the right answer", I don't believe I really understood it back then. What I really was thinking, and didn't says was that, I didn't think it could happen. In pain maybe, but I didnt believe that I could ever be brought to an "emotional cathartic release crying" from a spanking, or any other kind of scene. It would imply a lot of trust. I could love, I could submit, I would trust - physically, without question .. but I wasn't sure about the emotional submission .. and it took 15 yrs to find that I could.
I am collared, to a couple who I have had several emotionally strong scenes, which has been part of the connection and draw i have with them.
A few weeks ago we attended an event together. Her and I were going to do our 1first solo scene, just the 2 of us, to show off her personally made paddles. The energy was high. I was floating, I had been in my "subspace" from the start of the event, and now I was in collar, on leash, and we were going to the dungeon party. She is always beautiful, and exhibitionist me was excited even more knowing everyone was going to be watching and talking about us oO( exhibitionist, attention slut .. same thing lol)
She tied me up pretty, she touched and caressed and brought all my senses alive .. then she began spanking, and I had a flood of energy release .. I felt like crying .. it was overwhelming .. and so I let it happen. I had so many beautiful sobbing tears ... and I thought about that conversation. Being made to cry from a spanking ...I was not only submitting physically, but emotionally giving all myself to Her at that moment (and it turns out, for a little over 2 hours!) I have never felt more "submissive" , I have never felt more trust, and love, and connection ... I knew as the tears flowed that I trusted Her, that I was fully submitting to her, and they are feelings I will always cherish.
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