Resolutions .. or set up for failure? Happy New Year!

I tend to view things in a way to logical way. I tend to try and be a perfectionist. I tend to believe that I should just know everything and how to do it. I tend not to like to ask for help. laughs .. and that leads me to the topic of this post. New Years resolutions, follow throughs and failures... and asking for help.

One of the biggest resolutions of the New Year for people is to diet/lose weight. It's also the number 1 failed resolution. We set ourselves up with this big hopes, dreams and goals. We give ourselves unrealistic final results, and we expect that we are just going to wake up January 1 and do it. Generally there is really no preparation, we "think" we know how and what to do. Days, weeks, months into it we are becoming aware that we either have not been keeping to it, or have started out strong but as always, life just gets in the way and the goal gets forgotten or 'set aside until tomorrow" and 365 tomorrows later here we are again.

When we reach that realization, when we become aware of the failure, we punish ourselves. Sometimes out loud, sometimes physically, but most of the time I think its a mental punishment. I constant berate myself for not doing this, not finishing that .. and then I berate myself for berating myself.

For me, one of my big "failure" resolutions is apartment cleaning. On one hand I am a germ freak - one the other, I just cant seem to put things away, and I always have clutter. Clothes, shoes, coats, paper, boxes, pillows, blankets, laundry(clean!) .. its never ending. It gets to a point I just cant stand it sometimes, yet it stays that way. To get past it, I started telling myself - It's my apartment and I can keep it as i wish. I would never however invite anyone in. Sometimes our goals are not physical like dieting or cleaning our houses, but personal, emotional goals. Those are a trap all by themselves that can lead to years of emotional failure stress.

My personal emotional "resolution" has been to be happy. smile and believe - everyday. While its a valiant goal I think we should all strive for, its one of those unrealistic goals. I believe we do have a choice every single day to be happy or let it control us, but its unrealistic to think we have the will power 100% of the time to do it.

So I decided that I was just not going to set myself up for that anymore. No more resolutions. No more "Im am going to do this or else". No more cursing myself for not having done it.

Certainly there are always things that need improvement, and I think that the New Year is a good time to reset my focus on those accomplishments. I believe though that instead of making resolutions to change, we need to move the focus on how to make the change. There are tools out there. We are all capable of making the choice to get them.

For many of the dieters and house cleaning slackers, there is a deeper issue as to why we are eating or living in our cluttery mess. And that of course holds no truer than to the emotional changes. We are not going to wake up and just be a better person. We are not going to wake up and just suddenly be responsible and pay all our bills on time and clean up our messes. We are not going to wake up 365 mornings and never eat another piece of chocolate. But we can wake up and start looking for the tools that will help us ultimately succeed in being the person we want to be, to help us accomplishing our goals and tasks more days than not.

Remember that we dont have to do it alone,there is a world of information out here. Some things are not going to happen in a day a week or even a month, maybe even the one year. Its not always going to be easy. And importantly too, remembering to take things 1 step or task at a time. Dont overwhelm and put too many things on the plate - alternate the things you are working on. On average it takes 90 days to change a habit/behavior and you never remove it, you replace it with a different one. Choose ahead of time the healthy one you want to replace it with.

Ook so thats my thoughts on today lol Many Magical wishes for success and happiness in 2010!!

Gone .. Strayed .. lost she is feared ...

That's how I feel a lot of days lately. That line is from a book, about a lost puppy, that I would read to a little girl I babysat many years ago. The line has stuck in my head for years.

I don't know quite how to explain it. I've put myself between a rock and a hard place. I am where I need to be, yet, I want things that I know I don't really want. I am not sure there is a 'safe' in between or middle ground.

I choose to be single because I simply KNOW I can't live with anyone. I am an perfectionistic OCD emotional princess who wants it HER way ... and most of all, submissive to a fault in so many ways.

I am ok with that. I've been the quintessential anti-social hermit for years. The internet is my social connection and outlet to the world.

On the other hand. Lately I've been seeing, hearing, reading, experiencing others relationships and a yearning I've not had in some time has been awakened. I want to be touched. I want to be kissed. I want to be held. And I want her to go home in the morning without a lot of drama.

I've been pondering if they are really just simple wants? Are these things we need to survive?

I stopped wanting them, I stopped believing I needed it, because one more hurt will break me.. emotionally and physically. I'd rather be happy with me long term, than add another heartbreak.

But ... life is full of buts and unfair terms right? Seeing it dangled and teased before me, the ache lately is just so .. intense. It's not about wanting sex. It's about an emotional and physical far above that, getting met.

Being the poly girl I am, I'm certainly not looking for a monogamous relationship - which makes finding someone to share this with me, harder. And I need a Dominant. A Female Dominant .. and and and .. yes, I am picky .. I think we all should be.

It puts me in such a delima .. even in a poly relationship, or just a string of "one night stands" I will get attached and that generally leads right to where I am trying to avoiding going on the first place ...

*sighs* thank goodness for my Hitachi Magic Wand ... right???

YAY It's present opening time!

I waited and waited and finally its here!

I get to open my presents!

I received this from mom on Black Friday
It's from The Next Millennium
Our favorite Magic Shoppe in town!!

Some presents didnt make it in the mail
on time, but we will do this again next week,
when they do arrive YAY!!

There is a previous post which shows
the first present I opened, another Faery from Mom!


Merry Christmas and Magical Holiday Wishes!

Happy Yule! Opening my 1st Solstice / Yule prezzie of 2009

YAY! I've been waiting all week to open presents!!

Im only starting with 1 at midnight ...

It's from mom!

She used pretty paper

YAY I know its going to be a Faery!
(and yes, I am opeing a gift naked!)

OH She is very cool!!

Sitting in the palm of a hand
with a cute lil creature!

THANKS MOM!!

more to come!

Im Dreaming of a White Christmas .. and a giant egg?

YUP! Here we go again!
This is actually pretty rare for us..
I think between the 2 storms is more snow
that we have had in a few years combined!

They started with a 6-10 inch prediction
then it turned into 10-14
and now anywhere from 10-20 inches!

Will do another in the morning to see with more light!

and here it is!

White Christmas
aprox 7:45am Dec 25, 2009

You can see on the railing the build up is deeper
from Video 1 to Video 2

more to come in a few hours
Its not supposed to stop for 24-48 more hours!

This is 3 hours later - 10:45am
and the Christmas Egg!

last for today!
It's about 5pmish Christmas Day Just before Dark
It stopped snowing for a few hours but started up again!

The best thing about this White Christmas Storm of 2009
I volunteered to work Christmas Eve and Day
but guess what - they had to close the office because of all the snow!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS from Mother Nature to PIXIE!!

HNT ~ Merry Christmas!

Magical Holiday Wishes
Love ~ the kinky pixie ~

in case you all wondered ...

this is what I am often doing when away from twitter ...




I do so love my Hitachi Magic Wand
I thought it was louder when filming but it really isnt lol
I also didnt realize I wasnt shooting low enough
ops! You can just imagine though where that magic wand is!
(if you cant you shouldnt be here watching)

I did a re-take, but decided this was
a better option for the masses to share in :)

This lovely clip was filmed with my PalmPre!