Sunday, June 13, 2010

Wanting to want ...

This is dilemma in one form or another that I think happens to every submissive/slave/bottom ... wanting to do something to please a Dominant, that is outside our comfort zone, or as far as against our limits. There are limits meant to be pushed, tested, tried out ... right?   It's not rhetorical, the answer is yes ... I can't believe for any of us committed to our lifestyle, that we haven't come across SOMETHING that we would do, even if we didnt really want to.

What happens when that "something" becomes a want. a desire. a craving. a ... need? I say need but I think the "need" is to please and serve, not the act itself being "needed".

For me recently this "something" is ... hold your breath and be sure you are sitting down ... pain.  Now no, I am not saying I want to turn into a pain slut. Far from it I swear lol .. but lately, someone who can be sadistic, has been toying with my limits and I find myself wanting to want to like pain .. just a little.

They like whips and needles and just in general, hand contact... spanking, slapping (not the face!), pinching poking..any of that kind of stuff. It even excited them to no end when they were treated to a rubber band shooting gun ... they begged me to be the target but I simply had to refuse, knowing my own limits. What gets me is .. this want to want it. I desperately want to stand in front of the rubber bands!!

I do love scissor clothes / Knife play scenes ... and the pic above is a recent scene I did with this person. It was an all day tease and hours of cutting up the sexy dress .. there was also some lovely spanking and slapping my of thighs, legs, ass, pussy ... and at one point they said to me "You dont really like all this part of it, the slapping, do you, you like the "look at me" part", right?"

Now already I have been floating in sub space for hours .. my head though immediately goes into ADD mode with 10 different replies running through my head ...

omg yes i do love it


um yeah ok it does kinda sting a little in a not so like way


please dont stop

Do I want them to keep "hurting" me for my own pleasure, or because I know its giving them the pleasure, or for both those reasons .. what is my pleasure in it? the pleasing? the knowing everyone is watching?

it did kinda get stingy and hurt ... i know that with my chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia I am gonna hurt tomorrow ...


oh please don't stop

Yeah now I am arguing with my head over this want to want to hurt .. I want to let them do things to me for their own pleasure, which is turn feeds my emotional need to serve ... but ... do I really want to hurt, to achieve that need being filled??????

I dunno .. I guess we just keep taking each day and see what happens and what limits get tested teased and pushed *smiles*

1 comment:

  1. Bravo, honey. And it takes a lot of courage to put yourself in such a submissive and vulnerable place...which makes it, for me, so-o-o erotic. You really are quite a girl...:)